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An awesome joke on Reddit today

Read a great joke on Reddit today, thought it was worth sharing!

An astrophysicist has made an incredible, breakthrough discovery, and it gets press in all the papers and is heralded by his peers as well. Naturally, he embarks on a tour giving lectures at universities around the country.

For the tour, he has a driver to get him smoothly from one pace to the next, and with so much time together, the two become friends. After a couple of months and stops at dozens of locations, the driver says, “You know, you’ve got an easy gig.”
“Is that so?” asks the scientist incredulously.
“Yeah, all you do is go from place to place giving the same talk, and you’re making a fortune.”
“Well, it’s not as easy as it looks, I’ll have you know. Do you think you could give a lecture on astrophysics?”
“I’ve heard your talk two-dozen times, I’m sure I could give it.”

So a bet is made for a hundred dollars. The driver will attempt to give the speech. If it goes well, he wins. If it goes poorly, the professor will intervene, explain the bet humorously and triumphantly, and take over with no harm done to his reputation.
At the hotel, they dress in each others clothing, the scientist decked out in the driver’s uniform and cap, and the driver wearing a suit and tie and spectacles.
At the hall, the driver does a stunningly good job of delivering the speech, and sitting in the back, the professor is astonished.
As the applause dies down, the driver begins to step down from the podium, but he’s stopped by the voice of the host over the microphone saying, “I think we have some extra time. Does anyone have any questions for the professor.”
Hands go up all over the auditorium. The driver begins to sweat, and the professor does too–it’s gone on too long to reveal the ruse now.
The first questioner asks an impossibly complicated and technical question. Clearly, this person knows what he’s talking about.
The professor puts his head in his hands, waiting for things to come unglued.
“Well,” begins the driver, “I must say, that is the most idiotic question I have ever heard.”
A stunned silence as the other would-be questioners put their hands down.
The man who’d posed the question is clearly unimpressed by this posturing, believing he’s exposed a flaw in the theory.
“Really, that’s an impossibly simplistic question, and I’m shocked that you felt like that was worth my time and the time of this audience.”

He went on, “In fact, to show you just how stupid your question is, I’m going to let my driver in the back of the auditorium answer it for you.”

Categories: Random Tags: ,

Scribbles to self. My rules to help the human race bond more.

  1. Be excellent to each other #fcukyeah
  2. Listen more than you speak. Most people speak too much. Fewer speak when they have something interesting to say. Me? Well I can’t speak without my lawyer.
  3. You probably won’t get something you want in life unless you ask for it first #fact_jack
  4. Whatever happens, don’t forget to walk your dog and water the plants.
  5. Don’t panic.
  6. Smile whenever you enter a room.
  7. Trust everyone by default –  you forgive people who break that trust but don’t forget it.
  8. Do it for the story #worth_it
  9. Assume nothing. If you’re wrong you’re probably screwed.
  10. Be polite.
  11. Know a little bit about everything. Enough to have a conversation with someone about any topic
  12. Read interesting things that are outside of your comfort zone. About animal psychology or world capital cities.
  13. Ask people excellent riddles (know the answers but don’t tell them it until it really bugs them. Naturally you need to know awesome riddles….like the 3 switches one.
  14. It’s OK to disagree with people’s opinion’s but defend their right to have them.
  15. Be friends with your parents.
  16. Play the people watching game every day by yourself or with others because its fun.
  17. Expect nothing. Go with the flow.
  18. Dance like nobody’s watching. Dance in the rain.
  19. Under-promise and always try your best to over-deliver. People will remember it.
  20. Slow down. Let your mind wonder.

this.is.an.in.com.plete.list.

Categories: Random

You should never fail an art student

March 5, 2010 1 comment

I started drawing again recently. Because drawing is awesome. I’ll upload it when I’ve finished but here’s my other stuff. Art became fun for me after school was over because getting a C for my AS levels annoyed me, and the subject was thereafter dropped. Point. How does an art teacher tell a student they don’t deserve an A when the artists up on the wall at places like the MoMA produce things like “Abstract Painting“?

We’re taught about tone, form, ‘seeing not just looking’, scale, subject, intention. We were taught things like sticking a pencil in the air in front of us to get the right angles which should then be brought down to the piece of paper in front of us. Draw and paint what you see. Stop imagining things you want to paint because it doesn’t look like that. People don’t have lines around their faces right…so how should you actually go about drawing a face?

The best students still got A’s though. But how can you define ‘best’ in the context of art? They got A’s because they produced amazing looking things for their bracket. Seriously though, don’t think that you can really.

Art should be about perception. I saw a cool image once that said:

MODERN ART = I COULD HAVE DONE THAT + YEAH BUT YOU DIDN’T

Question. How does a student become a famous artist? How do they make it at MoMA or the guggenheim? Do they paint how they are told to paint and then produce odd things when they’ve made it? No idea. If Monet’s child drew scribbles why does Rob see baby scribbles and walk away while Bob see’s the stroke of a future artistic genius and offers squillions of Pounds for the paper?

Because art is bullshit.

Art should be whatever we want it to be and if we’re told we’re not meant to take art on further, then take a look around in your local modern art gallery or museum.

Isn’t it?

Categories: Random

Meeting people out of context

February 9, 2010 1 comment

Isn’t it strange when you meet someone that you know relatively well and see relatively often in a place completely out of context and unusual….to the extent that you possibly won’t even recognise them in this new context?  And then it clicks. Wait you’re my friend, hey.

Categories: Random

Comparing my mouse movements to those of a designer

So I found this guy who is obsessed with tracking his own mouse movements when using Photoshop. Thought I’d give it a go….

This was between 2.30pm and 4pm on the 21st of Jan 10. No real clear picture going on here. The blobs represent a stationary mouse (lots of reading and typing if you’re a web analyst. Or tea breaks, duh).

This one was between 3.30pm and 5.30pm on the 22nd of Jan 10. Way too many blobs. Oops. Compare to Hollie’s below (designer) over a similar time frame which is much busier. Spot the Photoshop behaviour 🙂

Set up is easy. Windows here et Mac link here.

Categories: Online

Do holidays actually ignite higher levels of stress?

December 6, 2009 1 comment

Here is my holiday stress graph. They do for me it would seem….

Categories: Random

People who buy this, also buy that – the Amazon upsell

September 12, 2009 15 comments

So for whatever reason I was on the German Amazon site. I cannot speak German and have never bought from the site. For whatever reason thereafter I was looking for Baseball bats on Amazon.de. Interestingly i’ve never played baseball and don’t intend to, we have a wii for that.

So this fine looking baseball bat caught my eye…..
Amazon baseball bat

Amazon are renowned in the web world for using clever algorithms to find the best selection of other products you may be interested in. i.e. People who bought X typically also buy Y. They are actually so good that 30% of the time i’ve been sold – that’s a great conversion for a cross sell.

Anyway. In Germany, people who typically buy the very fabulous Aluminium Baseballschlager 30′ American Baseball typically buy the following items (this still hasn’t been taken down by Amazon.de)….

amazon 2

Yup. People who buy the bat typically buy leather black gloves, a balaclava (wtf…) and what appears to be pepperspray….

Good God German people, you scary!

Update 30th Oct 09 – hmm its gone


Categories: eCommerce
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